Early Years

It's been a few days since my last post and I figured I would follow it with a little background of my life. I guess you could say this is my origin story, lol

Well, I was born on May 1, 1986 in Mexico City, Mexico. But I only lived there the first 4 years of my life so I don't consider it my home. Just my birth country. I immigrated to California not long after I turned 4. I grew up in Santa Ana up until the age of 14 when we moved to this god awful town called Lexington in North Carolina. But I'm not gonna get into that, I may at a later post but that is yet to be decided.

Prior to me leaving Mexico my mom left when I was 2 and I was raised by my grandma (my mom's mom) and my uncle (my mom's brother). They're the ones who brought me to the United States. I honestly don't remember my life in Mexico, the earliest memory I have is being on a long bus ride from Mexico City to what I assume is Tijuana. I had a window seat and remember looking out and down some hills you could see some houses they looked like doll houses. I kept thinking I wanted to reach out and grab them, lol. That memory is ingrained in me after all those years

After that, my next memory is arriving to some apartments where my mom and some guy I didn't know were living together. That man later would be the father of my younger siblings and who I would call dad, but who ended up being the biggest piece of shit as a father not only to me but my siblings. I no longer address him that way, to me he's just my siblings' father.  I'll definitely address this topic more in depth at a later post. I'll also address more about not knowing my biological dad and I STILL don't know shit about the guy! I don't know if he's even alive or dead! But at this point I could care less. I've moved on.

Pretty much I came from a broken home. I don't have really many happy memories growing up. My childhood and home life was just a fucking mess! So many things contributed to my childhood trauma and will be addressed in time. But I will say how much I dreaded going home from school. I hated summer vacation, spring break, winter break, etc. I didn't want to be home! My escape was through movies or TV shows where families were happy and loving and I wish I belonged to those families. Or through books starting at the age of 12 and music (especially 80s music) which I discovered my love for at the age of 14 when I left California. It helped me cope with a lot of things going on around me. Things were so bad that I never had any of my friends over for a sleepover. I always stayed at their home cause I was too embarrassed of the chaos going on. Also we were so damn poor almost everything we owned were from thrift stores or handed down. I also remember when going on field trips at school I wasn't given any money for lunch, let alone souvenirs and a lot of times I would go without eating until I got home from school. Of course I never told anyone. From an early age I just learned to suck it up and deal with it.

That has pretty much affected the way I deal with things. I've learned not to depend on anyone but myself to save me. I had to save my own damn self and make the best of shitty situations. But I like that I'm independent. It's taught me so much and with that there has been a lot of personal growth. But I can also admit that I have a lot of personal demons and it's taken me many years to get to this point in my life and deal with those demons, I never had anyone that I could talk to about my troubles so I held back a lot. But now I'm ready to get all this turmoil out and truly heal. Even if it's through the internet. Regardless, I'm ready and I need this.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to read this. Until the next post. Stay blessed! - RAR